sometimes i wonder what it's like to be more eccentric. fun. carefree. wildly spontaneous. because when it comes down it it, i'm a whole lot of boring and a iota of excitement. i don't like parties. does that make me dorky? i sure hope not. i know it sure as hell doesn't make me nerdy because i don't ditch the party scene to study (anyone can attest to that, hello my econ grade), rather i just...watch tv, browse the internet or talk on the phone instead. maybe i'm agorophobic. sometimes i feel like i'm wasting my entire college life away. here i am, fresh out of my freshman year at one of the most notorious cultural revelation schools in the entire nation and what did i become? an even more boring verison of me senior year in high school. my friend's older brother said berkeley has some good weed. if anyone comes 10 ft to me smoking it, i will seriously kick the living shit out of him/her. i cannot stand the smell of that crap. alcohol leaves me with this buzzing sensation in my parietal lobe. (haha, psych major baby!) i think the last time i seriously consumed alcohol was in october with angela on her birthday. celebrating her big 18 taking smirnoff shots in the kitchen of annie's house with her parents sleeping upstairs. christine was probably the most sober with two shots. i think i took three, some badly mixed screwdrivers and i was on the floor flopping like a blue whale complaining about how cold it was. no wonder people say i'm a bad drunk. i passed out like five minutes later and missed my best friend throwing up her six shots into annie's toilet. i don't like the way alcohol makes me feel. apparently, it turns me into an EVEN MORE boring person. jee-sus, i can never win!

i just want to be a little more exciting. even a miniscule amount will do.