i've realized that when you're sad, you tend to notice more the things going on around you. and in most part, you seem to notice all the happiness that is occurring at every minute, every second. i forgot my ID card so i opted to walk to evans and with each turn and every passing, i saw people laughing, smiling, grinning. the couple under the tree on memorial glade, the guy stroking the girl's hair, the sparkle of happiness in both their eyes. the guy with the green polo talking on his cell phone. the enthusiam in his voice as he talked proudly about the new internship opportunity he had. and i walked...slowly along the tree lined paths. alone. immersed in my own thoughts. watching everyone's joy unfold in front of my eyes.

and she wonders why she can't experience all this bliss.

it took me 45 minutes to realize that my mass comm professor was saying "agenda settings" instead of gender studies. no wonder nothing she said pertained to gender. i was beginning to wonder if she got the lecture messed up when she wrote agenda on the board. now half my notes say "gender studies".

because i was reading christine's () blog, i started to think of high school. and how much i miss it. it was so pointless, so useless, so utterly fun. thinking back, i wonder how i ever did get myself to wake up at 6 every morning solely to park my car in the senior lot by 6:30 when class didn't even start till 7:25. but i still miss it. i even miss having to stay on campus from 6 till 6, something i could never accomplish at berkeley. and i've lost my train of thought but i think i was going to say something about alison, otherwise, my almost younger sister who is about to attend her first dance in high school. it's great. experience it completely because it only comes once - the serious prepping, the constant hair spraying and make-up reapplying. dancing the night away without having to worry about anything except whether or not your hair is still in place, your mascara smearing, your lipstick playing havoc on your teeth. the once dance in high school i never attended was homecoming and i still always wish i had. i don't know why but somehow, homecoming, sadies, and prom just seem to complete the high school puzzle of dances and of the common high school talk (remember homecoming? my sadies date was soooooo creepy! senior prom was the best time i've ever had!). alison, i don't even know if you read this, but have fun. it'll be a night to remember. you'll be beautiful. (not that you aren't...) my kid sis is growing up so fast. haha. yeah.