i sometimes wonder what it's like if i were somebody else and i was to meet me.

would i see the sarcasm, the trace of arrogance, the hint of superiority that i must exhume? average height, short messily ruffled spikey hair, abercrombie shirt, jeans, suede shoes. who is this kid? why does her hair look like that, does she think she's some demented version of pink? ugh, is her smile fake? she keeps tugging at her sleeve - does she want me to notice her arm or something? it's not beautiful or anything.

erika? hi, i'm ________. nice to meet you.

i'd like to say that i'm not necessarily what i seem from the beginning. but sometimes i think i'm a better person initially than when someone gets to know me. because then that person will have to deal with my overbearing sarcasm, my complaints and my ever so changing tone of voice. i remember this simple statement that a friend of mine had awhile ago - what do you do when you don't like the person you've become?

well, you change. no matter how hard it is, how much the rest of you fights it. you change. because this isn't what you want to be.