i find that i've finally found some time. to organize my desk, read CNN online, even browse A&F a bit, and to update my blog.

time is flying by so quickly ~ in about a month school's over. and i'm no longer a sophomore. and i don't know why but that scares me. because i can no longer use the excuse that i'm young, inexperienced, naive. i've been at berkeley long enough to know how it operates. it feels right to say i'm a 2nd year. but it feels so foreign to say i'm a junior.

i was just told that i'm sensitive. and it many aspects i am. sensitive to remarks made about me, sensitive to actions people take, sensitive to things that otherwise don't make anyone else feel. for as long as i've known, being sensitive has been a part of me as being sarcastic has. in elementary school i used to never raise my hand in class unless i was 100% certain i was right. and those times that my certainty proved wrong and the teacher would say (even in a nice tone), "no, not really"; i'd be crushed. and ashamed of myself. humiliated, afraid to look at others. and perhaps a part of that has never left me. because i still can't say what i feel - i still can't express my feelings of isolation, anger, even happiness sometimes.

goal #1 for this summer: figure out why it is that i am so not understandable.