erika vs. clogged toilet

earlier in the afternoon "oh no! i, um, think the toilet's clogged," whimpers amy.

i suddenly have a knot in my stomach. wonderful. jerry looks at me disgusted. i shrug. we have a lot of stuff to do now, we'll worry about the toilet later. got to buy supplies for the delta class retreat. get tent from dan. check. get stuff in cage. check. get drinks from chris. check. drop amy back at the apt. check. go to safeway. check. go to ace hardware. check. drop jerry back at his apt. check.

singing while driving back (since i can only sing to myself, damn my horrendous voice) the toilet was the last thing on my mind. rather, i was mapping out in my head all the things we could do in hawaii if we get to go during spring break. la la la. i'm even listening to 92.7, the "party station" or whatever.

get back in the apt. check e-mails, drink some water. gotta pee.

what the fuck is this madness in the toilet? all i see is damn toilet paper. i flush the toilet. the toilet makes a gurgling sound. that does not sound good.

i pick up the toilet plunger. how the hell does this work? i stick it in the toilet as far away as i can stand from it and push. nothing. the hell? i push again. oh dear it's stuck. i need to get this damn thing out and maybe it'll be fixed i think to myself. okay pull. nothing. the hell, it's really stuck. i pull a bit harder. jesus what's going on? i pull one more time.

SPLASH.

dirty toilet water is now on my jeans.

i did not sign up for this shit.

immediately i IM lisa. "OMG my toilet's clogged!" she tells me to see the apt manager. they're supposed to fix stuff like this.

i knock on the apt manager's door. in his broken english, he tells me he lent the only toilet plunger he had to someone. frustrated i turn back.

i already have a damn plunger, of course i didn't tell him this, i thought he's supposed to come and plunge my toilet for me. i pay him ridiculously to live in this hell hole, shit i have to plunge my own toilet?!

armed with two toilet plungers i walk back into the bathroom with its death warrant. i stick the new plunger in. i didn't even know plungers came in different shapes and sizes.

push. the toilet better not throw up on me again. muttering under my breath i give it a good tug.

i stare. OH MY GOD it was a piece of poop. i watch it dissipate, not knowing whether or not this was the most disgusting thing ever or if i was just happy i unclogged the toilet. after another second i realize the extent of its horror and run out of the bathroom shrieking to god-knows-who.

five minutes later i peek back into the toilet. SIGH. clean water. well clean as you can get. i flush it one more time and pour in lysol toilet bowl cleaner as if there's no tomorrow.

the result of all this?

erika - 1.
toilet - 0.

GOOOOOOOO ERIKA!