if one day i can be as understanding, as patient, and as unconditionally loving as my mom, then i will have finally done something to make myself proud.

"erika, do you have any money?"

silence.

(whimper) five seconds later. (whimper) "noooo...."

sigh.

"how much do you have left?"

(whimper) clear throat. (groan) (whimper again) "$300."

i can do this forever, but then my mom busts back with, "all right erika, i understand you eat out a lot and you have other expenses to cover and sometimes it might not be enough each month."

and as impatient as i can get, as demanding, as frustrating, she still sits there on the phone with me for two hours helping me write my chinese presentation.

it's midnight and clearly past her bedtime. before we hang up, she asks, "are you going to be okay with money before you come home for spring break?"

i seriously need to be a better daughter. i need to succeed. all this pressure. and it's not even from my own parents. at least, not blatantly. (sigh) it's saturday night too and i'm not out. thinking of all this.