life sometimes doesn't stop

everytime i step into the student store lately (because i want a tangible fall schedule of classes damnit i'm not satisfied with just looking it up online!) i'm inundated with all the graduation info that they have set smack into the center of the store. and i glance at it, pass by it, and leave, but yet the remnants of just how damn scary graduation is never escapes me.

high school graduation was bittersweet. it was never this hard. after high school you go to college. after college, i don't know where the fuck i'm going. and i hate that. i'm the kind of person that needs to know. i hate to say it but before, at least i knew i was going to a college, if not the college i wanted. where am i going now? law school? grad school? flipping burgers at mcdonalds? i can't help but feel i ruined my entire career these past three years. but when i search my mind to do it all over again, i can't figure out if i'd be happy doing it any other way.

it all boils down to this: fear. i'm just scared out of my mind. and you'd think this fear would motivate me. but yet, i've never quite been one to be diligent. i just don't think it's in my blood. blame my dad. so i sit here and find excuses not to study. somehow i think i need to shape up before law school.