updated from last summer's blog. look for italics. that's the new stuff.

my full name is erika lynn shao. if i were born a boy, i would have been an eric. i asked my dad what it felt like to have witnessed my birth. he said it was the worst day of his life. i believe him.

i'm an only child. when i was younger, i talked to my stuffed animals, created imaginary friends, not because i didn't have any friends, but because it was lonely when they all had to go home.

i'm from LA, specifically, diamond bar, suburbia los angeles. it's a bit fobbed up, but i like it that way, or else it wouldn't be home. i'm an LA girl, i'll always be an LA girl.

i'm beginning to really miss san francisco. i want to bathe in the summer breeze, probably still cold enough for a warm spring sweater. cioppino along the wharf, fresh oysters from swann's, delightful tuna tartare from isa.

but i'm a cal girl for the next year or so. i go to uc berkeley. i plan to graduate with two bachelor of arts degrees, one in mass communications, the other in sociology.

i walked last month. so surreal. yet incredibly real. wow i finished college. almost.

i'm indecisive. i changed my major about four times.

i think i'm going to change my career path 6 billion times. law school or no? (refer to previous post couple days ago)

i've always wanted a dog, but my mom's scared of them so when i was eight, my parents bought me a rabbit. her name was krackers. she lived a remarkable eight years. i cried when we had to have her put to sleep. she started seizuring and she was blind in one eye. thinking of the pain she must have been in is making me tear up, even right now.

i believe in the good in people. i trust people from the very beginning.

i carry my heart on my sleeve. i fall easily.

i should add, i fall easily, but very rarely. sometimes i wish it were the other way around. but then i wouldn't realize those things that are good? i don't know. i miss falling though. being vulnerable. god it's scary, but so wonderful at the same time.

i wish i were an artist. i love paintings. i love museums. i love david hockney. i love photography.

i wish i were a chef. i love food, ingredients, the perfect basil leaf. the richness of cabernet sauvignon. the beauty of a medium-rare steak.

i can sit in a bookstore for hours, going from section to section, reading about alice walkers' recipes to what really happened during the vietnam war.

i intern at teen magazine. i see how ruthless and how superficial the entertainment industry is. and i still want to be a part of it.

i intern at E! networks. i read WWD everyday. i watch runways. derek lam, esteban cortozar, zac posen, christian lacroix, just to name a few. i love these people. artists in the world of fashion. excellent.

i want to attend the annenberg school of communications at usc. i want masters in communication management and print journalism. i want to write for vogue, vanity fair, rolling stone. i want to interview celebrities. i want to write.

everything above, re-emphasize it. oh, and perhaps law school. to be or not to be. sigh.

i remember faces and places. i have a good memory.

i love shopping. what girl doesn't?

i have a hat fetish. fedoras, baseball hats, paper boy hats. hats, hats, hats.

i have a shoe fetish. a jean fetish. a watch fetish. good facial products fetish. a bloomingdales fetish. it doesn't end.

i need to be reminded every once in awhile that people are human. i need to learn that everything isn't always centered around my feelings. i need to grow up.

i hate the taste of alcohol. i turn red with the smallest sip of it. but i like wine. dessert and plum wine to be exact.

i want to live in new york for awhile. i want to study in london. i want to spend 6 months in paris. i want to take a train around europe. i want to teach underpriviledged children. i want to show them what a childhood is all about.

i want a white mustang. i want to be able to drive a stick shift perfectly, not stall every five minutes and ruin the gears.

i'm going to buy a gorgeous house in the malibu cliffs one day. and i'm going to decorate it all by myself.

i want to fall in love and have my heart broken. and fall in love again.

i'm sensitive but learning how to not be. i'm scared of the world sometimes. i'm terrified of failure. i'm afraid of change.

i live in a world of color. i wish things could sometimes be black and white. i wish i knew my future. i wish i could have more direction, ambition, determination.

i'm idealistic. i'm a hopeless romantic. i love colin farrell. and angelina jolie.

i'm illogical. oh god how will i even remotely get a decent score on the LSAT's? but sometimes practicality is so incredibly boring. spur of the moment. carpe diem, baby.

i'm erika. nice to meet you. what's your name?

i've wasted enough time. i still haven't finished lunch. and i have a bunch of tapes to still go through. i'm erikaandstressedashell but loving every minute of it.