for larry & chris & lisa & quynh & hel & jenn
larry took me out to dinner the first night i was back. back. that makes it sound like i never left for good. we sat in la mediterranee for nearly two hours. it felt like two minutes. he brings out a part of me i've spent my entire life running away from, avoiding, denying. he gives me strength. and courage. and from that fateful night before the december LSATs, the first catharsis he'd introduce me to, i've never been the same. and he paid for my dinner. i shouldn't have let him.
chris woke me up after i had fallen asleep for merely ten minutes. swung his leg over me. embraced me. hugged me like a giant teddy bear. i don't remember how long we stayed up, talking over the annoying hum of his toilet, his body flopped on top of mine. i complained about his weight. but i never told him how good it felt just to have someone close to me like that. intimate. as intimate as we could ever get.
lisa is one of the only people on earth who could make me feel guilty for not drinking. she has that power to make me do things i wouldn't normally do. in a span of one evening, i had more drinks than i've had in the past four months. asparagus salads, reisling wine, fried olives, muscat & espresso, she is the perfect combination of sophistication, class, intelligence and beauty.
quynh was my tennis partner. i guess there's always been that sort of unspeakable bond between us. for christ's sake she's smacked me with a tennis ball before. my body apparently got in the way of her serve. i can't not lie to her. i always seem to be pouring out my heart to her. she's seen all sides of me. the good, the bad, the ugly. the even uglier. and i don't understand why she's still there. but she is.
helen intertwines her legs with yours when you sleep next to her. i woke up with my legs connected intricately with hers. and it didn't feel weird. it just felt like...helen. nothing is ever too much with her. we have no boundaries. god, sometimes i think we should. but fuck that, it wouldn't be the same. she cooked for me, drove me places, massaged my scar. wait, no, she poked my scar and made it itch for an entire day.
jennifer. my mom said we could be like sisters since we're both only children. she's always taken care of me. in an odd way i'd say she's almost like an older sister. which doesn't make any sense since she's younger but what's details anyway. she listens. and with just a look, a slight touch, a hug, she can change the course of my emotions from sad to relieved.
i missed many things. that i know. but for what it's worth, i have the rest ingrained to my memory. for someone who claims she's better with words than anything else, i'm suddenly at a loss. because i think, in many ways, no words can ever describe the way i feel inside. that's damned cliche. but someone once told me that cliches have merit. i think she might be right.
larry took me out to dinner the first night i was back. back. that makes it sound like i never left for good. we sat in la mediterranee for nearly two hours. it felt like two minutes. he brings out a part of me i've spent my entire life running away from, avoiding, denying. he gives me strength. and courage. and from that fateful night before the december LSATs, the first catharsis he'd introduce me to, i've never been the same. and he paid for my dinner. i shouldn't have let him.
chris woke me up after i had fallen asleep for merely ten minutes. swung his leg over me. embraced me. hugged me like a giant teddy bear. i don't remember how long we stayed up, talking over the annoying hum of his toilet, his body flopped on top of mine. i complained about his weight. but i never told him how good it felt just to have someone close to me like that. intimate. as intimate as we could ever get.
lisa is one of the only people on earth who could make me feel guilty for not drinking. she has that power to make me do things i wouldn't normally do. in a span of one evening, i had more drinks than i've had in the past four months. asparagus salads, reisling wine, fried olives, muscat & espresso, she is the perfect combination of sophistication, class, intelligence and beauty.
quynh was my tennis partner. i guess there's always been that sort of unspeakable bond between us. for christ's sake she's smacked me with a tennis ball before. my body apparently got in the way of her serve. i can't not lie to her. i always seem to be pouring out my heart to her. she's seen all sides of me. the good, the bad, the ugly. the even uglier. and i don't understand why she's still there. but she is.
helen intertwines her legs with yours when you sleep next to her. i woke up with my legs connected intricately with hers. and it didn't feel weird. it just felt like...helen. nothing is ever too much with her. we have no boundaries. god, sometimes i think we should. but fuck that, it wouldn't be the same. she cooked for me, drove me places, massaged my scar. wait, no, she poked my scar and made it itch for an entire day.
jennifer. my mom said we could be like sisters since we're both only children. she's always taken care of me. in an odd way i'd say she's almost like an older sister. which doesn't make any sense since she's younger but what's details anyway. she listens. and with just a look, a slight touch, a hug, she can change the course of my emotions from sad to relieved.
i missed many things. that i know. but for what it's worth, i have the rest ingrained to my memory. for someone who claims she's better with words than anything else, i'm suddenly at a loss. because i think, in many ways, no words can ever describe the way i feel inside. that's damned cliche. but someone once told me that cliches have merit. i think she might be right.
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LIBERATIONNNNNNN!!!!!!!!
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