it's one thing to have science/math classes. it's another to have the humanities. i'm starting to think i want at least one of those number crunching ones because when you don't get to writing the things you're supposed to write when you should, it piles up. then you get to write like forty pages of crap in one night. IT'S ALL BULLSHIT anyway. haha, i'm so optimistic.

there's something about chris martin's voice that makes me feel. something.

i want to be able to write. all that it is i feel. exactly the way i'm feeling it, with a pen and paper, in the way it's supposed to come out. un-edited, pure, raw. just what it is then and there.

for some reason, lately, i've been feeling a bit estranged from it all. like i'm observing things from a distance. everything's spinning in front of me, parading with smiles and bliss, five steps into a tango. and i'm just on the outside. i'm standing. alone. on the side of the ball room just three feet away from the dangling chandelier fastened on the high ceiling - shy of the spotlight. and it's all in front of me. waltzing to the chords of chopin's fantasie impromptu. so i stand. just off to the distance.

and it continues. without me. because in order to dance, you must want to. someone has to take your hand, lead you to the dance floor, and escape into that moment with you because he/she wants you there.

but i realize that what i just wrote (i decided upon not deleting it) is just another one of my random rants about essentially nothing. in it's essence, it's crap. regardless of whether or not it truly pains me, bugs me, tears at me to change. the dance goes on anyway.

and chopin's fantasie impromptu gives way to liszt's consolation #3.

i sometimes wonder what it's like if i were somebody else and i was to meet me.

would i see the sarcasm, the trace of arrogance, the hint of superiority that i must exhume? average height, short messily ruffled spikey hair, abercrombie shirt, jeans, suede shoes. who is this kid? why does her hair look like that, does she think she's some demented version of pink? ugh, is her smile fake? she keeps tugging at her sleeve - does she want me to notice her arm or something? it's not beautiful or anything.

erika? hi, i'm ________. nice to meet you.

i'd like to say that i'm not necessarily what i seem from the beginning. but sometimes i think i'm a better person initially than when someone gets to know me. because then that person will have to deal with my overbearing sarcasm, my complaints and my ever so changing tone of voice. i remember this simple statement that a friend of mine had awhile ago - what do you do when you don't like the person you've become?

well, you change. no matter how hard it is, how much the rest of you fights it. you change. because this isn't what you want to be.

this was supposed to be a stress free weekend.

rather, i must write a mass comm essay, a soc lit review (i swear this thing is bullshit, fucking get graded pass/no pass for a 4-8 page summary of what research you could use for your empirical research question - makes no sense huh? but believe me, it's ridiculous) and not to mention, i'm still behind on my journals. i actually sighed loudly. i feel my head beginning to hurt.

i promised myself i would change the look of my blog (again) and write better entries. that i will do. after this weekend. and after i get caught up in school.

anyhow, have a great weekend y'all! it's good to be going home =)

so i'm sitting here procrastinating yet again on so many things so i decided to read people's blogs. for some odd reason (haha j/k) christine's blogs always inspires me to write something as well. well, maybe not when she discusses food and how she ate so much, but the other, deeper paragraphs (yeah i know, amazing, this otherwise braindead thing of a being is capable of such intelligence). so she was saying how this french quote made her think of so many things and that learning and for that matter, understanding the same things we understand in english in a different language has a whole new meaning. and i totally got that because in high school when mrs. buccola made us read all these spanish literature stories and then explained them in detail to us, it was like wow...haha for lack of a better description. it makes me think of all the poems i love from pablo neruda (i posted one a looong time ago) and the rimas that becquer pours his heart into.

que es poesia?, dices, mientras clavas
en mi pupila tu pupila azul,
que es poesia...! y tu me preguntas?
poesia...eres tu.

-becquer

ohmigod i'm so behind in one of my soc classes! i have to write like weekly journal entries on the week's readings and yours truly, is now two weeks behind. not to mention, i need to write a paper for mass comm 101 soon, do some lit review for soc 5 and go home this weekend! hahah of course, no work involved there for 5 full days! okay umm, i shouldn't slack off the entire weekend...but oh well, i probably will. as i already am this semester but then, that there, is a whole other story.

back to work. or otherwise, back to doing random things.

MARCH
>attractive personality
>affectionate
>shy and reserved
>secretive
>naturally honest, generous and sympathetic
>loves peace and serenity
>sensitive to others
>loves to serve others
>not easily angered
>trustworthy
>appreciative and returns kindness
>observant and assess others
>revengeful
>loves to dream and fantasize
>loves traveling
>loves attention
>hasty decisions in choosing partners
>loves home decors
>musically talented
>loves special things
>moody

feedback?! what do you guys think? most of it is pretty true, i hate to admit...i guess even the revengeful part. but i know y'all are laughing about one thing: musically talented. HAHAH what angela? what christine?

maybe i'm an odd-ball and other march people are like concert pianists or orchestra members.

i thought this was kind of funny.

i'm sitting here, editing my profile, playing with my blog, talking online. and my fellow mass commer carol, a couple blocks away, is apparently, doing the same thing i am! NOTHING! (this is seriously not the life of a mc major, it's just this sunday night)

Agent Eeyore: haha im IMing you bc i want your away msg
Auto response from s pic e x be b e: doing work... (but secretly i'm watching a movie!)
Agent Eeyore: youll see =)
s pic e x be b e: HEH?
s pic e x be b e: you're interrupting my movie!
Agent Eeyore: HAHAHHAHALOL

just finished watching grave of the fireflies. there's something so magical about it, so elusive, so provocating, so pure, raw, real. it's tragic, moving, completely and utterly breathtaking. poignant. painful. so incredibly sad. but beautiful. damn it was beautiful.

and now, i think erika's been playing too much. i opened my backpack and realized i hadn't touched it since friday morning. there are thousands of pages to read, journals to compose, things to organize, tasks i want to finish. and so so many cover letters i need to send out documenting my life as something significant and worth saving. how do i show them, in one page, that i am beyond all the emptiness that my resume shows? how do i say, i know i have nothing solid to offer but if you give me this chance, i will prove to you that i am everything more than what i appear?

but for now, i should just say.

original, daring, happy, unmistakenly carefree. ang - you are talented, witty, clever, crafty. something inside of you glows, shines, shimmers elegant beauty. you can do anything you dream of, i know it, now it's your turn to grasp that gift. be who you are, and one day, everything you fantasized about will fall on your doorstep. i'm proud of you, so so proud. i never told you that did i? i'm telling you now, and for that matter, to all who reads this. i'm proud of you ang, so much that i've run out of ways to say it.

i have an urge to blog, but then once i'm here, the words just don't flow out. i hate that feeling.

yesterday was an...to say the least...interesting night with the girls. it's not a BAD thing =)

i'll ramble on about my food culture mass comm class for a sec then. so thursday my professor was like "you guys have a quiz today, i know it's not on the syllabus" and i started freaking out. i grabbed the book i was supposed to have read from my backpack and started flipping through the pages furiously until she said, "so this is your task: i have six numbered bags here and you have to guess the grain." basically, we had to taste it and determine what kind of important grain it was, you know, like barley, wheat, rye, oat, millet, or quinoa. now that was fun!

christine is in the shower and i need to pee so badly. and i want some coffee! now!